By Steve Gillman
What do you win when you play the blame game? If you couldconvince others that your parents are to blame for the way youare, what good would it do? If your business failure could beblamed on something that really wasn't your fault, would thathelp? Can blaming our personal problems on outside factors everbe helpful?
Possibly. There is some evidence that assigning failure tothings outside our control may be useful for maintaining selfesteem and motivation. An example is when someone says "Oh, therain ruined the event," then adds, "I'll have to plan for thatnext time." The truth is, though, that many would just blame therain without adding the second part of the thought.
Losing The Blame Game
Focusing on outside factors that contribute to our problemsde-motivates us. Even if it was true that a friend made you latefor an interview and you lost the job, it just can't help todwell on it. When you do so, you just feel like giving up, don'tyou? What can you do then?
1. Learn Your Lessons.
2. Take Responsibility.
If, for example, it was an accident on the part of your friend,you just let it go. If your friend is always late, however, younote that. Now you tell yourself, "I'll get a ride with someoneelse next time," or "I'll plan to be there thirty minutes earlyand I'll have a back-up plan."
It's one thing to recognize when others do something wrong, orstorms rain on your parade. It's another thing - a useless thing- to persist in blaming outside factors for where you are inlife. If someone stole all your money, they did you wrong, butdon't persist in blaming as your ongoing response. Ask yourselfwhat you can do to make more, and to keep it from being stolenagain. Always focus on what YOU can do, not on what others havedone.
Subtle Blame
Ah, but the blame game can be a subtle one. There is a fine linebetween the necessary recognizing of "problem factors" andgiving control to them. If a person gains weight easily, theyhave to recognize that fact. Repeating that fact to oneself orothers, however, is usually a subtle way of saying, "My bodytype is to blame, so there's nothing I can do."
To overcome this tendency, include what YOUR decisions are whentalking about outside factors. Follow, "John just depresses me,"with "but I choose to spend time with him." Say "My parentsscrewed me up," but add "that's why I'm working to change mybeliefs." Have you ever known someone that subtly blames theworld for his problems, but never seems to recognize his owncontribution to his problems? How happy and successful is he?
Everyone of us could think of dozens of people and things thathave caused us problems in our lives. Who and what are they? Whocares?! What are are we going to do about it? That's theimportant question. Have you ever seen someone blame their wayto success? It's time to give up the blame game.
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